The last time I drove a car was sometime around 2009 — that long ago, my eight year old didn’t believe I owned a driving licence. So with something to prove and reason to better myself, I got my anxiety-riddled backside back behind the wheel. This is how I did it.

This post contains gifted product from Graco. All text, imagery & opinions are my own.

You’re probably wondering how, as a driver’s license holder, I have managed to avoid driving for 14 years. Well, I didn’t exactly plan on quitting. But back at the very end of the noughties, when I was barely still a twenty-something, that’s what happened.

To be fair, I hadn’t been driving for all that long before I stopped. About three years? Plus I’ve always found driving a prime trigger of my chronic pain, so when we no longer needed two cars in the household I jumped at the chance to stop. To me, I had plain good reason: why subject myself to pain when someone else can do it.

And it’s not that hard to let things slide. A few years’ avoidance evolved into something of a lifestyle of ignorance; reinforcing the mindset of a dependent when I was quite capable of doing it myself. At risk of gaslighting myself, this truly is how anxiety has done a number on me.

So, convinced I’d never drive again, quite out of the blue, something ignited and I found myself in a situation that would see me do a complete 360.

Illness hit the house and Sean was bedridden, meaning I had to get Reuben into school and I couldn’t. I was engulfed in vulnerability; powerless and incapable yet with a problem I knew was solvable. I could do nothing – and this was my motivation.

Fired up with frustration with myself and for the stagnation of anxiety, I vowed *this* wouldn’t happen again because I was going to drive again.

And that’s how I ended up finally buying a car last year, 14 years on since I’d ever driven one, determined to reclaim the driver’s seat.

How did it go?

You know the saying “like riding a bike, you never forget”? Well my brain did a “heck, nope!” to that.

Sitting behind the wheel again was terrifying. The pedals beneath my feet felt unfamiliar and engaging the clutch for automatic start was a new one on me. It just felt alien. I was a learner all over again.

So, unsurprisingly my first drive didn’t take me beyond the garden gate. Too nervous for that, I reversed to the fence and back again. And this was all I did for a while. With tentative steps, very sporadically over the next eight months (because I was avoiding that red death machine for all my life’s worth), just driving to the end of our lane and back, to the doctors surgery round the corner and back, round the village green and back, I started to get the hang of it again.

Now I’ve come on so far. I mean, my parking is dire, but I can finally get into the driver’s seat without the heart thumping and I’m back bombing down the country lanes as I was once before. I’m never going to be a petrol-head because I’m a stress-head and I have to realistically work with my limitations — if only I could will-away chronic pain and fatigue. But I’m okay with that. As long as my journeys are short and local, I’m happy.

The half term school holiday presented the opportunity to push my driving out of my new found comfort zone, as it meant I had Reuben with me. Worrying about a passenger, an eight year old one at that, could have been enough for me to forget about the car for the week but I decided to take the challenge on.

Lawfully, I needed a child’s booster seat. According to the UK Child Seat Law: “children must normally use a child car seat until 12 years of age or 135 centimetres tall, whichever comes first.”

So with my eight year old a little way off, it was more than logical to prioritize the need for a good safety seat.

Well known baby-care brand, Graco kindly stepped in to provide me with a car seat which meant one sure thing — Mum and son were finally on tour!

About The Car Seat

Graco posted out the Affix i-Size R129 ISOFIX Booster Car Seat (£62.99 at Amazon)

The Affix booster seat is an attractive looking seat that’s serious about safety. Meeting the latest EU safety regulations on height related i-Size child booster seats, the Affix seat is R129 approved (replacing the old R44 that measured according to weight, not height).

Sized for children from around 3.5 to 12 years old — or 100-150cm in height, surpassing the latest car safety standards — the premium featured Affix booster seat is designed with safety and comfort at its core.

The Affix comes boxed in three pieces: a booster seat, a winged high back and a head support, which click together for easy set-up. Once the chair is assembled it’s ready to be placed directly onto a vehicle’s seat “as is” or ISOFIX secured.

Like many booster seats for older children, the Affix secures using the vehicle’s standard seat belt system. Additionally, it’s ISOFIX ready, which is a brilliant safety feature if your car has ISOFIX points.

ISOFIX works by anchoring the booster seat to the vehicle’s chassis using the connector points fitted to the seat. You don’t legally need ISOFIX, but it’s an additional safety measure that’s worth using if you can. So no worries if there’s no ISOFIX, the booster seat simply sits atop the vehicle’s seat, and the child’s weight keeps the seat in place and obviously secure once the seat belt is fastened.

Affix is light as a feather, weighing just 4.2kg, so it’s stress-free moving the booster seat between cars, or seats when you carry different passengers (or when little passenger wants to sit up front now and again).

Giving the Affix a greater bonus is the ‘Safety Surround’ design. Beyond what a simple booster seat has to offer, the combination of a high back, head rest and side impact curtaining means a more encompassing level of protection in case of an accident.

Safety aspect aside, what else does the Affix offer?

Plenty comfort for the passenger. The Affix seat is covered with premium padded chair protection that’s both removable and fully washable, so there’s no worries should a spillage or accident ever occur. I really like the modern looking quilted onion pattern and think it looks classy with the matte black aesthetic.

Added arm rests provide a place for little hands to hold, or older kids’ arms to relax against. The head rest has ten positions to ensure a comfy placement against the head. And probably most interestingly for the passenger, hidden within the booster seat there’s two little pop-out pockets for cup holding or to hide away snacks for the road!

Now I’m back behind the wheel with a bit of confidence and a child’s car seat I can trust, I feel like there’s little else stopping me. My favourite little passenger believes in me too!

I’m pretty amazed how far I’ve come on with my driving, considering the size of my fear and foggy knowledge just some months ago. I know I’ve got to keep learning and not let it slip. Stay on the road, keep the engine ticking over. I just need to stay focussed on more doing, less fretting. Of course that’s easier said than done when fretting, or overthinking in my case, is your default emotion.

At least I can finally say I’m a driver again! And now the weather’s warming up, the days lengthening, I’m just looking forward to cruising with my windows down, playlist blasting, bombing along in my own little car.

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